WORKPLACE WELLNESS
Reflection clears path to insights about anger
Taming fury leads to healthy changes
Last March, Sylvie got very angry. Despite her employer’s motto of respect, her manager had once again dismissed her intelligence and capability. She decided to take a career
development workshop in order to find a more satisfying work environment. She realized she had all the skills necessary to work at a resort she had been dreaming of. Three days after calling the resort, she was hired. Sylvie’s anger
pushed her out of an unsatisfying situation and gave her the drive to reach for what she wanted.
Depending on cultural background or gender, anger is either praised or repressed. For most of us, anger is not a favourite topic of
conversation at the dinner table, yet we all have experienced first or second hand the taste of this powerful emotion.
Anger and violent conflicts are growing problems in today’s workplace. Unfortunately, unlike Sylvie’s story,
not all anger leads to healthy transformation. Suppressed anger, when ignored, can turn into rage and violence while indulgence in anger can push loved ones away. Either way, the cost of unresolved anger is high both for the person
expressing it and the people around.
Dale Trimble – a registered private clinical counselor – has been dealing with anger for the past 30 years. After finishing his master’s degree in the 70s he was part of numerous men’s groups.
He became interested in male aggression and in how society condition men to be men. Socially it is more acceptable for a man to be angry; it is even looked upon as being masculine. Often men use anger to reaffirm their virile identity.
Some come to him saying: “I have had a bad temper all my life, I want to change but I don’t know how.”
“Even though a person may be destructive with anger, choices are being made,” Trimble says. Anger is often expressed
strategically as a way to get one’s way or to gain control. Sometimes it is a control drama developed in childhood involving others who are usually in the role of the victim.
Trimble separates feelings and behaviors. While the
feeling of anger can be a friend, an invitation to look at a situation in relationship to your needs, the behavior can be outwardly or inwardly destructive. He suggests a place in between repressing and expressing anger as one way to deal
with it. In both extreme cases, the body experiences many symptoms: muscle tension, especially in the upper chest and head, heart palpitations as well as depression when it is repressed for too long.
His observations are similar to
those of Chinese medicine theory. Anger is an extreme emotion associated with liver and gall bladder energy, the element of wood and the season of spring. It is a distressed feeling pointing to our need for self-assertiveness. When this
core emotion is not acknowledged or expressed in an appropriate manner it gets stuck in the body creating rings of tension in the jaw (TMJ), neck, shoulder and head area. It can also developed into resentment, hostility and bitterness
when it is directed outward toward others or guilt and depression when it is directed internally.
When wood energy is out of balance it manifests in control issues. We either want to control everything or we have difficulty taking
charge. We swing from feelings of superiority to those of inadequacy. Also connected with decision making having harmonized wood energy is a good asset for anyone in the driving seat.
Sylvie could have made a completely different
decision. When her frustration with her manager came to a peak she could have gone into a victim mode. Her unanswered need for self-assertiveness would have blocked the intense energy and it would have turn inward creating, with time,
possibly depression or headaches.
High level of stress and conflict in the work place paired with limited amount of coping skills in conflict resolution bring people to either unleash or repress their frustrations.
Trimble
recommends several useful tools to cope with anger:
Ponder in an event what triggered the anger. What were your needs in this situation? Stay with the feeling. Experience the feeling and contain it. Separate the feeling from the behavior. What are the physical sensations? Where does it manifest in your body? Have an honest conversation in an open environment. Notice your internal dialogue?
Most of us have habitual patterns in power struggles. We favour certain roles unaware of the impact it has on those around us. For example, an aloof or victim mode
is often paired with more intimidating or aggressive behaviors such as anger. These control dramas can be repeated many times until we realize the possibility for change.
If you get caught up in a power struggle with an angry
person, pay attention to your role in the situation. Do you go into a “poor me” mode or fight back with more anger? Speak out by asking: “Why are you so angry?” Disengage from the power game by remaining as emotionally neutral as
possible; this will give you energy to be more understanding of the person expressing the anger. The bottom line is to have respect for their point of view without losing sight of your own.
To harmonize liver and gall bladder
energy, milk thistle is a wonderful herb. In tea or tincture it can be taken on a regular basis without any side effect. Also, physical activity involving kicking, punching and shouting such as martial arts is a good way to move the
fiery energy.
Once we get back to our centre, we have a better perspective to be aware of old habits that can be destructive. Our anger can be transformed like in Sylvie’s case into self-assertiveness that allows us to take
action. We can be assertive without being domineering and confident without being arrogant, we step out of the power struggle into cooperation with others. |
